do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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