i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
