It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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