Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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