What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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