I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my poor anus
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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