Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You dont lie about slip and slides
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize