Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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(678): View more from Georgia

If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.

Fav 20 4643 1041
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(425): View more from Washington

I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?

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(207): View more from Maine

Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow

Fav 2 920 652
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(217): View more from Illinois

I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.

Fav 1 1546 641
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(314): View more from Missouri

My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.

Fav 2 1386 616
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...

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(304): View more from West Virginia

My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand

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(473): View more from Grenada-Carib

I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.

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