good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
