im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
