; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
