I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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