i already hear my dad disowning me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
