I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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