there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
