i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So squirting runs in the family.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
