You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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