dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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