It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize