Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
