we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
