i love accidental penises.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
