tell your sister to shave her snatch
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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