Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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