The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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