im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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