I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
