I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
