he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
