Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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