I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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