You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
