"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
