if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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