I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
