My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
