he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had sex on a roof
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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