just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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