; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
