Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
