Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
