youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
