It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
