Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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