apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
