if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize