I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
