Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
