how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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