I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
