He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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