ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Bring me that man meat
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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