eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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