I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
