Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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