im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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