You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
