So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
