wat bout pragnant strippers??
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
