I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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