What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
false alarm, still single
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
