omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
