her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
