if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
