he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
