Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
