I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She announced her abortion via fbk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
