Betty ford says i'm here all night
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
