Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
